Wind and Bestiality

Not far from the Lefkogia Donkey Sanctuary was the seaside town of Plakias, revered worldwide by wind enthusiasts for its incessant and ferocious gale-force gusts. In fact the wind in Plakias is so furious that year after year hundreds of parents of children with intususseption ( a condition whereby the bowel telescopes in on itself and occludes) travel to Plakias for a special treatment. These parents instruct their bowel-obstructed children to stand on a high rock, remove their undergarments, and bend over in the wind. The children then receive a powerful wind enema which usually cures the intususseption.

With wind in our metaphorical sails and much gust-o, we blew into town and drafted a plan to continue our quest. We decided to travel to Knossos- home of the infamous Minotaur. Legend has it that the wife of King Minos- sick and tired of her husband's flaccid detumescence, and in an era pre- nasal delivery technology- dressed up as a heifer and parked her self in a field of bulls, winking suggestively at them. The extremely painful but satiating animal love that ensued resulted in the conception of the Minotaur (half -man, half-beast) and the conception of german pornographic movie plots for centuries to come.

To our dismay, we found the palace of Knossus in ruins. The labyrinth where the minotaur had once had its way with greek boys and girls had been ruthlessly eroded by wind and time. Where the once-majestic billiards halls of Knossus had once stood, rubble and ridiculously-attired Euro-tourists remained.
Goddamn!
When we were about to give up all hope, a particular gypsum tablet caught our eye among the ruins. The engravings depicted the ancient Greek writer Homer defeating the Minotaur in an epic Lindrum-esque billiards game. Following this incredible victory, Homer buggered the bull with the billiards cue in traditional fashion, then left Knossus with the magical cue to the island of Ios where he remained until the end of his days.

Our journey to this ancient Mycenean palace had not been in vain; our epic oddysey was to continue in Ios. First, howeveer, we needed to exCrete, which was to prove exceptionally difficult. We strained and pushed like an opiod-dependant pensioner with sigmoid diverticulosis, but as hard as we tried we were just unable to exCrete. What we needed was a good Fleet enema, but the entire Greek fleet was not at bay. With tremendous relief, our probing enquiries into manual evacuation were rewarded with a satisfying plop in the Aegean sea as we finally exCreted en route to Ios.

Thought of the day: Time goes by like a cheese pie

Gyros tally: 31